Hole In My Heart

Hole In My Heart❮Reading❯ ➹ Hole In My Heart Author Lorraine Dusky – Oaklandjobs.co.uk Hole In My Heart is a memoir and report from the fault lines of adoption starting with the is the compelling story of a mother separated from her child by adoption in the Sixties and the state imposed Hole In My Heart is a memoir and report from the fault lines of adoption starting with the is the compelling story of a mother separated from her child by adoption in Hole In Epub / the Sixties and the state imposed secrecy that keeps them apart Defying convention Lorraine Dusky reunites with her daughter in the early Eighties when such reunions were rare and in the process becomes a staunch advocate for reform of America's antiuated adoption system Richly supplemented with footnotes and sidebars This follows Dusky's seminal memoir Birthmark the first to tell the story of relinuishing a child. As a birthmother I have read most if not all memoirs by mothers like me as well as many by adoptees since reuniting with the son I lost to adoption at 19 We have been in reunion for 18 years now but before that I thought I was the only woman on the planet who had ever given up a child for adoption and continued to suffer from it Which was kind of silly of me since I knew lots of adoptees and adoptive parents But I’d never met another birthmother at least no one who revealed that part of their life I rarely shared my deep dark secretIn 1996 when my son and I were reconnected 26 years after his birth there were not near as many books on the topic although I did find some good ones and appreciated the wisdom they imparted Those and the support groups I attended in the years that followed saved my life — well my sanity anywayI thought I was done reading books about adoption Until Lorraine Dusky’s Hole in my Heart came out I had to read it After following her blog First Mother Forum for many years I knew her to be an outstanding writer and that her reunion with her daughter was different from mostIn this brilliantly written and compelling story Lorraine brings it all home How most unwed mothers have no resources or options are fodder for adoption agencies seeking babies to provide to longing couples the pain that never subsides after surrendering a child and how it impacts the rest of our lives as much as we’d like to believe what they said that we would “forget and move on”Most importantly since most birthmother memoirs revolve around unwed pregnancies among teens Lorraine drives home the point that it doesn’t matter if you’re 15 or 18 or 21 or 25 Even in recent years If the father will not marry you or support his child If your family is ashamed and desperately wants the “problem” fixed Even if abortion is legal or could have been accomplished illegally back in the day Whatever the details your choices are limited and in the end you’re on your ownLorraine’s story is uniue because they reunited while her daughter was still a teen Turns out her daughter’s adoptive parents had been hoping to hear from her for years to learn about her medical history due to their daughter’s issues The agency that handled the adoption kept them apart not passing on communications between them Who knows what damage that caused?Lorraine tells her story honestly not holding back on emotions and yet manages to flawlessly insert facts about adoption practices over the years the impacts of adoption on both adoptees and birthmothers and the lack of open records progress to this day Hence the subtitle A Memoir and Report from the Fault Lines of AdoptionI admire that As an author of an adoption reunion memoir I understand what it takes to tell the truth reveal your deepest fears grief and pain and admit your shortcomings and doubts in retrospect To weave in factual information so flawlessly leaves me astounded at her abilityI encourage everyone to read this book Even if you’re also a mother of adoption loss Yes it will be triggering but trust me in spite of that you won’t be able to stop reading I hope that adoptees read it and gain a greater understanding of the anguish their birthmother likely went through in making the decision to go through with adoption I hope adoptive parents will read it and better understand the needs of their adopted children to have to connect with their origins I hope social workers adoption agency personnel adoption lawyers and all the others who extol the virtues of adoption without revealing the traumatic downsides will read it as well For those of you who know little about the institution of adoption hopefully it make you aware of the issues facing everyone who suffers from adoption practices and closed records Hopefully it will also convince you to support opening adoption records in your stateWhether or not you have a personal connection to adoption just read it I can’t promise that you won’t be sad But I guarantee that you won’t be disappointed I honestly didn't know what to expect when I first opened this book; however this book packed all of the feels into very few pages I applaud you Lorraine for sharing your soul with the world I loved reading about your life and everything that went with it Thank you for being real There is no doubt that this author is real in her writing She discusses what it is like being forced to give up a child for adoption She discusses the times and the circumstances Even Hollywood could not portray the vast heartbreak and stigma that these women went through Lorraine's amazing journey to then find her daughter will leave you breathless Spoiler alert They do reunite but this is true life and not a fairy tale It is a wonderful thing that Lorraine was able to spend time with her daughter and get to know her It is a funny thing a Mother's Intuition this intuition is what the driving force was behind Lorraine endlessly searching for her daughter Lorraine definitely doesn't sugar coat anything in her memoir She also gives her valid opinion about the world and how the world discusses adoptive versus birth or natural mothers I found this uite brilliant She also discusses the lies hidden behind sealed records The author discusses the issue that sometimes history will repeat itself As mentioned before this is not a fairy tale Lorraine may have found her daughter but the reunion was far from blissful From there the roller coaster of emotions is at its peak Love joy heartbreak tragedy family are all found within these pages I would recommend this book for anyone searching for a loved one who has been adopted Do not give up hope It may not turn out to be a fairy tale but it can be a means of closure I received a free copy of this book in exchange for my honest review Lorriane Dusky's riveting memoir about her journey to find her birth daughter was both inspiring and heartbreaking With passion and a sense of righteous indignation she gives us a concise history of adoption and its practices and the fight for reform by birth mothers adoptees and others in the past few decades With no small risk to herself Ms Dusky put herself at the forefront of this political battle and met her birth daughter at a time when this was rarely done As an adoptive mother I have learned so much about adoption in general from this book and also from the political movement that has arisen from the pain of birth mothers and their children and am grateful to them I enjoyed reading about the mother daughter relationship and seeing how similar they were to each other; both strong stubborn fragile and of course their differences The relationship was fraught with its ups and downs which is not unusual given that many mother daughters relationships can be rocky and given their own particular circumstances Sometimes I felt concern for each of them; empathy for Ms Dusky when her Jane daughter would willy nilly stop speaking to her and concern for Jane when Ms Dusky sometime had a hard time listening to who Jane was and what she needed if it didn't fit her agenda the adoption of her grandchild Yet overall I was overwhelmed by their connection and love and fierceness I will make sure to recommend this unforgettable book Thank you to Netgalley for allowing me to review this book for an honest opinion From an adoptee's perspectiveLorraine Dusky has written a book well worth reading Her character portrayal is first rate Her story is told in a very personal way which could have come across as maudlin or rambling but because of her skills as a writer this is far from true Ms Dusky tells her story in such a way that although it's clear its in the first person it almost sounds like it's not It seems to be a very honest telling of a tragic situation; that of losing your child and the lifelong trauma that goes with it What I particularly liked was the way she wove her daughter's adoption issues into the story as well Warts and all It showed very clearly how that trauma impacts both mother and child When Jane kills herself I was just so sad for the author The pain of losing then finding then losing again is unfathomable Well done to Ms Dusky I am an adult adoptee with a fundamental interest in understanding the dynamics of relinuishment and reunion to better come to grips with the dynamics of my own imperfect reunion and relationships with my biological and adoptive parents Lorraine Dusky's book is the perfect vehicle to help me get there There aren't enough books like hers out there so I'm grateful no indebted to her for writing it We all need to talk about the impact of adoption and reunion not hide from its difficulties and emotions I'm hopeful that Dusky's book will foster those conversations Look to Lorraine Dusky’s Hole in my Heart to keep you riveted to each page as she tells of her decision to give up her baby girl for adoption Though this story deals with emotional issues on many levels Dusky’s ability to laugh at herself by using a breezy tongue in cheek sense of humor keeps the narrative upbeat and positive Dusky’s writing style flows her prose is exceptional and uite simply you won’t be able to put this book downShe begins with her catholic upbringing in the Midwest falling in love at eighteen the loss of that love and as a naive twenty something journalist falling prey to a handsome ‘Lothario’ whose only wish “is to possess a reluctant cherry” She puts the Lothario aside swiftly and with her journalism career burgeoning she falls in love with an older man a journalist and a colleague but he is not available No matter his honest intentions and promises that they will be “together forever” life and circumstances intervene Dusky becomes pregnant Single and alone and facing the s of the 1960’s she makes the painful decision to relinuish her child for adoption and the promise of a better life with a two parent family At thirty eight she meets and marries the love of her life but even with her new found happiness wondering sadness and grief haunt Dusky until when her daughter is almost an adult the two are reunited What happens after their reunion chronicles her emotions and those experienced by her daughter Jane and her adoptive family Dusky discovers that Jane was diagnosed in childhood with epilepsy and resultant seizures and that the adoptive parents were rebuffed by the agency when they tried to locate her and gain critical medical information By writing “Hole in my Heart” Dusky brings to light the truth about closed adoptions and how maintaining secrecy can perpetuate physical and emotional pain for every member of an adoption triadWith the acuiescence of her adoptive parents Jane spends some of her school vacation periods with Dusky Together they discover the “sameness” in several genetic traits and idiosyncrasies like their similar tastes in fashion remarkably fedora hats and in their physical dealings with serious bouts of PMS Jane’s dealings with seizures and having to wear a helmet for head protection during her elementary school years cause her feelings of “being different” and leave their life long mark After meeting Dusky many of Jane’s uestions about her life are answered but she deals with undulating emotions and periodically withdraws from contact with her natural mother Dusky endures months of silence with no communication then a happy Jane suddenly telephones for a newsy ‘catch up’ as if they had experienced no time of separationMake no mistake you will laugh with Dusky and her very personal anecdotes Then as life changing events unfold you will cry with her But be guaranteed that you will not find it easy to forget this extraordinary story by a courageous woman who is unafraid to tell the truth Book Review by Diana BrownTrustee International Soundex Reunion Registry ISRRorgAuthor Dear Diana Column Decree Newsletter of the American Adoption Congress Lorraine Dusky managed to bring me smack dab into the middle of the 1960's deep in caste oriented righteous thinking America where it was somehow appropriate for someone's life and well being to be dictated by complete strangers What's worse than that from a 2015 perspective? That loved ones dictated THEIR actions based on the bias of the general population I lost track of how many times I found myself clenching my jaw in anger or feeling desperate in panic or fighting off a lump in my throat as I read and absorbed how Lorraine must have been trying to cope let alone thrive As deeply as I was driven into the world of the 60's she steered a strong ominous vessel through the 70's and 80's as well highlighting those decades' interference with or prevailing of the constant battle and struggle for Lorraine and others to get the country to come to terms with adoption and the rights of all parties involvedEvery aspect of Ms Dusky's life was touched in some way by that moment in the hospital when she gave birth Holidays dates on the calendar her social life her career etc I don't want to offer any spoilers but the second part of the book was just as heart wrenching as the first and impossible to stop reading as well It's hard for me to fathom that this book this life story of one woman and those in her life happened in the span of one lifetime I also wonder how much this impacted the way Ms Dusky has lived her life the part that is NOT able to be gauged by the statistics such as how many of these women suffer from clinical depression or how many birth mothers never had another baby etc that she shares Would this not make someone who was forced to relinuish control over a very personal matter obsessed with being in control of every possible relationship and decision for the rest of their lives? I can only speculate that it would; that every person or moment has to be driven by a need to have the final decision; complete control and no regretsI highly recommend this book to anyone Period It's an eye opening book inside the world of adoption an incredibly poignant book about relationships self discovery family dynamics and love and a view that is not through rose colored glasses at the way American society even the medical practice dictated social norms and rules Even the footnotes were fantastic They cited sources of facts and articles of course but Ms Dusky also utilized them to have a sort of sidebar conversation about something she felt needed clarity I enjoyed her writing style so much as well It was of a conversation; she wrote the way she thought and the dialogue played out so much better this way I enjoyed the book so much that I am still going to give 5 starts despite my pet peeve of a typo or 2 lingering I received a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review There are several excellent reviews here on Hole in My Heart so I encourage the reader to explore them all to get a good sense of what this book is all about What I will add however is this Lorraine Dusky has written a compelling memoir of her experience as a first mother forced by the historical ideologicial circumstances of the 1960s to relinuish her daughter at birth Her experience is born in the Baby Scoop Era 1950 1973 when 15 4 million women were compelled by social s to make a decision that would impact them and their offspring for the rest of their lives There have been a few excellent memoirs of first mothers and their experiences as well as some excellent books depicting this era from an historical perspective But what Lorraine Dusky does that is so uniue is to tell her personal story in a compelling way including insights into her daughter's struggles as a result of adoption and also weave in the historical facts of the era through her skill as a journalist Her book reads at once like a novel and yet is firmly situated in the well documented facts of the times The footnotes provide a rich resource for understanding the legal underpinnings of the machinations at work providing a vehicle to understanding both the subjective experience and the sociopolitical circumstances within which that experience took placeHole in My Heart can serve as an excellent addition to the Women's Studies Social Science or Human Services classroom to fully round out and problematize our discussions and understanding of what it means to talk about reproductive justice Rarely do we visit the conseuences of women's lack of access to good reproductive health care including proper counseling on the ramifications of adoption should she be encouraged to go down that road In light of the current backlash on Planned Parenthood I urge as many as possible to read Dusky's memoir to get a fuller sense of what the ramifications may be if women once again lose access to autonomy over our reproductive decisions These are decisions that impact many first mother offspring and adoptive family There is no win win win here But we can all learn about what it means to be human and to be abandoned by society when we are at our most vulnerable Although Lorraine Dusky's story is one that unfolded over many years Hole In My Heart is the kind of book you have to read in one go When I did over a weekend not long ago I found myself transported back in time For while Hole In My Heart is an incredibly personal story of one woman's pregnancy and the loss of her child to adoption it is also the story of every woman of that time who longed for than the mainstream thought we should haveReading Hole In My Heart feels like having a cup of coffee with Lorraine while she recounts painful experiences that would bring the strongest person to their knees And yet in spite of overwhelming loss and betrayal both held deep in her heart while she fought the workplace and family battles that make up the stuff of women's lives Lorraine retained humor love her dry sarcasm delivered at the most appropriate times and an amazing ability to pick herself up and keep going I do not say move on because Lorraine most definitely didn't do that She took stock of where the world was at in relationship to adoptees and first parents strapped on her sword and fought a very good fight for justice on their behalfI appreciate the factual and historical information about adoption policy law and the fight for open birth records very important information for anyone interested or working in adoption reform But mostly I appreciate the way in which Lorraine shared her experience without varnish or apology This makes Hole In My Heart much than an adoption book It's a book about all women really and the strength with which we survive thrive and do good work in spite of the challenges and pain we face Society loves to put sparkly frosting on the concept of adoption homeless little darlings being taken in and rescued of course they'll be grateful forever right? raised and cherished by hero adoptive families Really?? So insulting to the intelligence of anyone who stops to think for one non superficial minute what about the original mother and family members? What about the child who is destined to wonder why heshe was placed into the arms of strangers? Hole in My Heart is an important story that tells the truth about relinuishment and adoption How do the psyches of all involved fare for the long term? Ms Dusky brilliantly tells her own story as a first mother the heartache and lessons learned the fallout and attempts at healing the complicated facets involved after reunion for mothers and adoptees Secrets and lies and forced gratefulness are toxic This incredible book is crucial reading for not only those involved in adoption but all of society Like the suffragettes who went up against the odds in a society determined to keep women pushed down second class citizens Ms Dusky brings to light the unacceptable ineuality for both first parents and adoptees in the concept of stranger infant adoption