Hades➳ Hades Read ➻ Author Alexandra Adornetto – Oaklandjobs.co.uk Bethany Church é um anjo enviado à Terra para combater as forças das Trevas Apaixonar se nunca fez parte da sua missão mas o vínculo entre ela e seu namorado mortal Xavier Woods é forte Mas mesm Bethany Church é um anjo enviado à Terra para combater as forças das Trevas Apaixonar se nunca fez parte da sua missão mas o vínculo entre ela e seu namorado mortal Xavier Woods é forte Mas mesmo o amor de Xavier e os cuidados de seus irmãos anjos Gabriel e Ivy não impedirão ue Beth seja levada a um passeio de moto ue acabará no Inferno Lá o demônio Jake Thorn não permitirá ue Beth volte à Terra e pedirá a ela algo ue poderá destruí la e também a seus familiares. I'm going to start of this review with Story time Warning do not try this at home You may or may not get injured and some very severe scolding will follow I also begrudgingly give this book 15 stars as a rating One day when I was about 8 or so my family and I made our yearly trip up to Mackinac Island Michigan This island is different in the way that no cars or any kind of automobiles whatsoever are allowed so everyone rides on their bikes around the 1 12 mile island in order to enjoy the sights My family and I always go a couple times around the island over the course of the day and let's just say I've never been one of the most observant of bike riders that you've ever seen in your life and the town in Mackinac is always very crowded Pretty much a disaster waiting to happen Everyone knows that once you get anywhere between the ages of 7 9 a weird combination comes into play You still keep that naïvety of your youth but you start to think of yourself as a big boy or big girl and feel like you should be the one in charge and you know everything about anything Essentially this is where you get criminally annoying and your parents want to spank your ass like there's no tomorrow I at that ripe and annoying age decided I needed to lead the family through town because if anyone else did it we'd end up lost and fall into the lake Now I thought I was an amazing and highly responsible leader and repeatedly checked back to make sure that my family was following and it was during one of those times that a five year old boy chasing a ball ran right out in front of me and I pretty much plowed over the little guy This for me was Halo Except I was the boy chasing the ball also known as the pretty cover of Halo and Adornetto was me on that bike and she just rammed right into me with the horribleness of that book as soon as I opened to the front pageBut oh I wasn't done that day and neither was Adornetto After a firm scolding from my parents I dropped back into the middle of my little family pack and tried to watch where I was going My parents still blame me for this second accident but I honestly don't think that this one was my fault There's a rest stop right around one of the corners of the cliffside on the island and we planned to stop there for a break We just get around the corner and; well my brakes on my old bike were pieces of shit so I looked down to plant my feet on the ground so I'd stop and as soon as I did I biked my way right into a lady's ass Adornetto tried to change it up by listening if you could even say that to our advice but she still ended up with a fail of a book and we still get fucked as readers and people who ride bikes still get fucked up by me on accidentSince I started my Halo review with Bethany Im going to follow suit here and begin with the royal pain in the ass Bethany again I'm going to cut to the chase here and say this she's a pain in the ass What? I already said that? Well I'm going to say it again She's A Pain In The Fucking Ass Adornetto in this book after reading the reaction from people about how stupid we all thought she was in Halo tries to increase Bethany's brain capacity like that's even remotely possible but she just ends up coming across as an even stupid prick Thinly veiled as Bethany's thoughts and words Adornetto keeps on arguing and arguing with us about their relationship; like that she's actually got an I and that she can be strong and capable with uotes like this I knew there were people who rolled their eyes at Xavier and me but if they did we were too absorbed in each other’s company to notice Strike one “It’s just not healthy for you guys to spend so much time together” Hallie said “ Yeah” Savannah chimed in “It’s like you’re joined at the hip or something I never see you apart Wherever Xavier is you’re right behind him Wherever you are he’s there all the frigging time” And that's a problem? Strike two “'Are you okay Huggie Bear?' I asked protectively reaching up to fix his hair I didn’t like it when his friends played rough BHAHAHAHA strikestrike whoostrike muffled snort three I could never do the 'sup nod”—it made me feel as if I were in one of those music videos Molly watched on MTV where men in hoods rapped about “homies” and something called “bling” Strike three fucking million and seven First off if you receive criticism over your book don't fucking argue with us through your chracter about how you're right and everyone else is wrong Actually do something about it And where the hell is Adornetto living? 1993? Nobody has said bling or homies for years now and trust me if they still do it's not on MTV And don't even get me started on Huggie Bear That has not and never will be a cute nickname If anything it reminds me of a different kind of bear Huggie Bear pedobearSince we're on the topic of the pedo Xavier again this book is centered around that looove can seemingly do everything and Bethany's obsessiveness over said love No Bethany just no Love can do many things but there still are limits Like your spirit can't manifest and become real just by looking at your hubby You've got to have something else drive your damn story besides love and I'm not really sorry to say that Hades doesn't At all You know you have problems when you believe that the best thing that's happened since Jake's death even better than tripling your local church's numbers which should be like a fat man getting free doughnuts to an angel is that you and Xavier have grown even closer and you guys are now able to synchronize your steps I'll let the beloved Dwight Schrute wrap this up for meAhhhh dearest Dwight I love you Even with my enormous amount of adoration of you I will still continue to eat and drink in your honorAnd Bethany even with all of her posturing is still a giant idiot You don't even have to go 30 pages into the book to figure that out when she uses a fucking Ouija board Oh nononononononono Adornetto I don't care if this is a fictional story or not; there are still certain rules that still always will apply and one of those being an angel who is a celestial being would never ever use a Ouija board even if oh so powerful force that is peer pressure was applied I cannot even stand the thought of that and to have it written in a story that actually got published isastonishing Is this the kind of shit that we're letting get published these days while other undiscovered authors with amazing works are getting denied? It's just despicable and uite sad reallyShe also has little to no sense of self preservation whatsoever or any kind of wits Something was wrong I could feel it Every celestial instinct warned me that we needed to get out of here Fast I found a weeping willow in the front yard and leaned against its sturdy trunk So let's recap this little uote If every celestial bone in your body is telling you to get the fuck out of there what would you do? Run? Yeah I would too but Bethany here decides to go lean against a tree? How in any way shape or form is this running? It's not like if you go to a race you hear thisReady set now everyone go find a tree and stand by it uick Then there was the whole scene with Jake being able to kidnap Bethany I mean how gullible can one person truly be? A boy with whom you have never spoken to before suddenly rides up on a motorcycle and claims that your boyfriend just got drunk and did something totally crazy both of which you know he'd never do and isn't breathingis happy about seeing you in pain and says you've got to go with him now; which you accept Then he drives away from the lake and you see Xavier on the side of the road and he looks perfectly fine but a horrible look crosses over his face and you still don't turn around to look at the mysterious guy behind you Xavier yells at you to get off you realize you can't and you still don't turn around You only decide to do the smart thing and turn around to see who it is when the guy speaks and lookie there; it's Jake Ugh And you know what? Nothing bad really ever happens to Bethany throughout the whole book Sure she's kidnapped but she gets to live in a 5 star hotel with servants and she still technically sees her family almost every day Yes she's sentenced to death but the flames part and never actually touch her She's put in a cell afterwards but she only has to stay for two measly days and is then again back in the opulence of the hotel Oh but then you think Jake's actually going to have sex with her right? But no she gets saved in the nick of time and gets to go back home and graduate And just to add insult to injury see if this sounds even the most smidgen familiar cough cough Twlight cough cough Xavier asks her to marry her with an old fashioned cut diamond ring given to him by his grandmother There's so many good things happening here I think I might puke I just wanted even the tiniest bit of character development from her due to a hardship or some kind of calamity happening but I got absolutely nothing Everything just has to work out perfectly for little miss perfect pants and I just couldn't stand it at all She shouldn't always get to go home and have a happily ever after in every damn book Dwight sum it up for me will ya?For nowJust like a book that I had read previously and also reviewed with a great amount of fury Passion Adornetto severely fucked up Lucifer Where Kate's was just a fail in making him look scary Adornetto's is a total fail through and through Here's how she described him He wore a white linen suit with a red silk tie and his feet were encased in white cowboy boots He held an ivory topped cane that he tapped softly on the cement floor His skin was tanned and leathery and his eyes were a pellucid blue but devoid of any expression He was immaculately groomed and wore his silver hair tied back loosely with a gilded clasp Sooooohe looks like a younger version of Colonel Sanders from KFC?Fear me; for I make people fat And get this they call him Big Daddy snorts and if that's not horrible enough he pretty much does nothing or; at least nothing I feel like Lucifer would ever do You know you're in a sorry state when you get one upped by Bethany and you can't even kill her royal annoyingness who practically does it herself almost every day He probably should have just left her alone with herself and she would have done the job by the end of the day Adornetto's writing is; once again horrible The info dumps in the first ten pages alone are so gut wrenchingly awful that if you didn't uit then and there hell you deserve a silver star And they continue through the whole book and slows down the flow so much it's like trying to walk through molasses She also freuently forgets her writing and either contradicts herself or repeats something that she said only a mere sentence ago Its tall windows were opaue from a fine layer of accumulated dust and grime The room itself was empty except for an iron bedstead pushed up against a grimy window shakes head oh Adornetto Adornetto Adornetto You already told us that the windows were grimy so why tell us yet again with this specific window; why even mention it at all? If she hadn't mentioned it at all the sentence would have been fine but she always has to ruin it somehow now doesn't she? She does it again about ten pages later when Jake's got her on the motorcycle She goes on for about two paragraphs about how she can't die and that she can survive Armageddon any natural disaster etc but contradicts herself by saying that she won't try to tip over the motorcycle because she'll get smeared all over the roadBethany Why didn't you do it? You'll fucking live You literally cannot die as long as you and your idiot brain is contaminating walking the earth Stop being a pussy and just do it I know that this is partly Adornetto's and her editor's fault for not catching the contradiction but it shouldn't have even been a problem in the first place Bethany should have done whatever it took to get off of that motorcycle but instead she just sat there and passed out Also for someone who says she doesn't like writing about dark topics; she certainly did it uite a bit in this book There were exorcisms pits of hell with flaying beating and burning people alive weird erotic pain and all around dark topics She just really loves to contradict herself doesn't she?And don't even get me started on this whole Gabriel and Molly mess I'm sorry Adornetto but making Gabriel fall in love with someone that's crossing a major line with me Whatever Bethany is a lower rank greeter angel so I guess falling in love isokay yeah right But to have one of the highest arch angels out there fall in love with a hormonal idiotic 18 year old girl didn't work for me before this book and definitely isn't going to work for me now If it continuesimage error Before reading HadesHow can you trick someone into getting on a motorcycle? Either they get on or they don't get on Motorcycles aren't like cars And what does angel Bethany want with a motorcycle anyway? SHE CAN FLY Or I'm assuming she can Who knows maybe Halo angels are just so lame they can't even use their wings to fly shudders from pure lamenessPerhaps the conversation went something like thisJake Hey Bethany Why don't you get in my van on my motorcycle? I'll give you a liftBethany No wayzJake I haveteh ice cream And kittiesBethany OOOOHHHH KITTIES hops onJake MUAHAHA SILLY GIRL THERE ARE NO KITTIESBethany NOOOOO I HAZ BEEN TRICKEDJake MUAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAAAANow that would make a lot of sense1011I AM GOING TO DO ITI'm going to rip this to shreds with my razor teeth It sounds so bad I cannot resistAfter reading HadesWarning There will be heaps of Allie bashing lots of cap rage Hades bashing swearing and SWEARING and DID I MENTION SWEARING?Glossary Because I won't explain who all of the characters are inbetween my rage outsBethie The main characterXavier Her boring ass boyfriendJake Thorn The Prince of HellfuckFUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKK You notice how light and joking I was in my pre review? Notice how I was poking fun at Bethie notice how I was happy?I WILL NEVER BE THE SAME WAY AGAIN I had originally planned on writing a nice coherent numerical list of this book's fails but THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE I WOULD BE HERE ALL FREAKING DAYSo I will rant on random thingsFirstly ADORNETTO NEEDS TO SHUT THE FUCK UP Not a single freaking page goes by without this neurotic raging bitch insult courtesy of Hana Joy D preaching to us about something or the other IT'S DISGUSTING Here are a few examples of Allie dearest reaching her nasty author hand through the pages1 Her version of HellThe way she describes the inhabitants of hell Miniskirts piercings chains black nail polish generally goth We all know how Christian and conservative Allie dearest is so it's obvious why she would choose to condemn these things they just don't fit in with her idea of what's moral and perfect2 Her lectures on sexWhile reading that entire part I was essentially doing thisI WANTED TO STAB MY EYES OUT WITH A FUCKING PEN In Kira's review which is much much better than this one and you should in fact read it NOW she says Bethany is viciously devoid of conscience You'd think she'd be all soul as Xavier once said BARF but in fact she's completely devoid of any kind of compassion She lets Jake bleed to death and die before her she leaves her friends to rot in Hell literally and she says and I uote The purpose of sex is to create life Oh really? You want me to go there? Seriously? FUCK THIS MOTHERFUCKING SHIT YOU BIG PIECE OF FESTERING MONKEY VOMIT This is a disgraceful thing to write Who the fuck green lighted this shit? Someone needs to be fired for this I'm not even kidding About two weeks ago a teenager who featured on Youtube as a strong advocate of the It Gets Better campaign killed himself He had been so viciously bullied and isolated because of his sexuality that he chose to end his own life He was so utterly crushed by misery shame and loneliness that he committed suicide He was little than a child This comment advertising sex as a way to procreate and nothing is a violation of so many people's beliefs and lifestyles and is a complete disgrace in every sense of the word Not only does it completely exclude homosexuality and indirectly condemn it but it also reverts back to this fabricated idea of virginity Basically it is a vicious way to shame and attack gay and lesbian peoples for the way that they choose to express perfectly natural attraction to the people they romantically love andor date Homosexuality is in no way wrong it is in no way unnatural and condemning it borders on a violation of human rights uebec had it down when they said The state has no place in the bedrooms of the nation Amen sista's That was a rather long uote I know but it all needed to be there because I don't know any other way to express my annoyance Sure I had read Kira's review before throwing myself into the pit of shit and vomit that is alternatively known as Hades but reading the uote in context provided with everything else makes me want to hurt myselfIT'S JUST SO TERRIBLEThat that doesn't even count the heaps of other sex lecturing JAKE EVEN REFERS TO BETHIES VIRGINITY AS HER VIRTUE It's fucking disgusting how obsessed Allie is with this SHE PUTS A SHAME TO ALL TEENAGERS EVERYWHERE She is a teenager still right? I don't know and I don't give a fuck SHE PUTS A SHAME TO EVERYONE CONSIDERED NOT AN ADULT YET EVERYWHEREIn short if I ever met Allie in real life and caught her trying to give anyone a fucking lecture on fucking ANYTHING I'd do this And this And this Gross little bitchWhat else did I want to rant about?Oh ya BETHIE DEARESTBethany is so stupid So yeah I have an ebook copy of this utter vomit and shit right? That's bad very bad because as long as we're in Bethie's head every few sentences I have the urge to throw the book against the wall with a satisfying thud BUT IT'S AN EBOOK COPY So I would end up doing thisWhich would suck seeing as how I only gots one computer yeah Her stupidity was SO OFFENSIVE that it made me literally burst out into tears Wellmaybe not literally BUT I WAS FUCKING CLOSEAnd the worst part because Bethie is Adornetto's self insert anyone try to argue with me over this in the comments and I will cuss you the fuck out just so you know WE GET DOUBLE THE PREACHING So while Adornetto is using her author powers to preach through the story BETHIE IS FUCKING PREACHING IN THE STORY IT MADE ME WANT TO THROW THINGSNot to mention that Bethie is A FUCKING MARY SUEEven when she goes to Hell EVEN IN HELL THEY LIKE HER EVERYBODY LIKES HER THE PRINCE OF THE FUCKING HELL WANTS HER IS THERE ONE PERSON THAT DOESN'T LIKE BETHANY WHO ISN'T DEMONIZED???? AND WE WILL FUCKING TALK ABOUT ASIA LATERFUCK THAT WE'LL TALK ABOUT HER RIGHT NOW BEFORE I FUCKING FORGET OR SOMETHING WITH MY GOLDFISH BRAIN BECAUSE READING HADES HAS FUCKING BRAIN DAMAGED ME WITH IT'S TERRIBLE HORRIBLE AWFULNESS AND I CAN BARELY REMEMBER MY FUCKING NAME ANYMORE BECAUSE IT IS JUST THAT BADFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK THIISSSSSSS BOOOOOOOKKKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEHHHHHHAAAAAAAAOOOOUUUUSSSSSHHOIFWIAIOFNWASo to talk about AsiaAsia is Jake's bitch basically Also from what I remember she is one of the only minorities in the book if not the only minority someone can correct me on this if they want How is she portrayed?Well even though she's supposed to be a snide evil bitch and slut? I actually uite liked her She acknowledged Bethany as the stupid disgusting waste of space she was see this uote I gave the woman a closer look and remembered her instantly as the tattooed barmaid from Pride It would have been hard to forget the annihilating look she’d given me then She gave me a fleeting glance this time as if my presence were too immaterial to take up any of her time I agree with her Bethany doesn't deserve anyone's time She's a gross nasty hideous waste of space and she should be burned on the stake cut in half erased from this universe forever and ever AMEN Also Asia gets jealous that Jake likes Bethany than her IT'S A VALID COMPLAINT So you're the head bitch of hell with your psuedo boyfriend and then some sniveling preachy brat shows up and snatches your honey's attention Oh yeah tell me you wouldn't be bitter There's also the added fact THAT THEY ARE ALL FUCKING DEMONS SO DUHHHH But we're supposed to see Asia as a jealous evil bitch That's great That's just fucking fantastic Way to go Allie dear But you wanna know something? I'd rather be represented by an Asia FIVE THOUSAND FUCKING TIMES OVER than be represented by a Bethie which is the worse fucking insult ever in the history of time and space the worst thing in the whole world ever to exist AMENAnything else?Well there's Xavier He annoys the shit out of me And Jake is an asshole as well as a rapist but once again he's a demon so you know That's rather accurate for JakeOh How could I forget?Xavier and Bethie's relationshipTHAT IS THE MOSTI DON'T EVEN HAVE WORDS FOR IT It is co dependent unhealthy obsessive weird and just NO NO JUST NOHow can you write something like this and portray it as being positive? HOW? HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY PORTRAY THIS AS NORMAL EVEN A GOOD THING? Another reason why I want to punch Allie in the face or at least strap her into a chair and viciously re educate her PLEASE GOD IF YOU DO EXIST WHICH I DON'T REALLY THINK YOU DO BUT IF YOU DO PLEASE DO NOT ALLOW ALEXANDRA ADORNETTO TO PROCREATE UNTIL SHE GAINS AT LEAST AN OUNCE OF FUCKING COMMON SENSE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASEAmenHere are some examples of how co dependent and fucked up Xavier and Allie I MEAN BETHIE'S relationship is I kept one of Xavier’s Tshirts dowsed in his cologne under my pillow so that every night I could imagine he was with me It was funny how the goofiest behavior could feel perfectly natural when you were in love “Okay don’t take the uiz” Hallie cut in “Just answer a few uestions okay?” “Shoot” I said “What’s your favorite football team?” “Dallas Cowboys” I said without hesitation “And why’s that?” Hallie asked “Because it’s Xavier’s favorite team” “He’s coming over to make barbecue ribs” “Since when do you like ribs?” The girls raised their eyebrows “Xavier likes them” I was willing to pardon any crime but one against Xavier and so help me God Jake would get his comeuppance Every fiber in my body yearned to return to Xavier My one true love The light of my life My pain was so all consuming that I hardly cared where Jake was taking me to or what horrors awaited Had enough? I think so I know if I type any about this shit I will vomit all over my computer shorting it out If I do vomit over my computer from Hades induced sickness I WILL sue Adornetto for enough money to get a new one I swear itIs there something else?Oh yeahI DON'T CAREThe book was so boring so annoying so rage inducing it was so terrible I WANTED TO DIETop Causes of DeathHeart diseaseCancerStrokeChronic lower respiratory diseasesAccidentsAlzheimer's diseaseDiabetesInfluenza and PneumoniaNephritis nephrotic syndrome and nephrosisSepticemiaHades by Alexandra AdornettoIt's the truth peopleOh and there's one thing I wanted to mentionOne thingWhat was itThatthing aboutWaitIt's on the tip of my tongueOHI remember nowIt wasTHAT GODDAMN FUCKING SHIT VOMIT CREATURE HELL ANGER RAGE RAGE RAGE CAPSLOCK DOLPHIN FUCKING FUCK FUCK FUCKING TITLEMany fanidiots have gotten upset about people constantly pointing out that Hades Hell They say Adornetto can call her books anything she wants They say Adornetto can do anything she wants They say that people who point out Hades Hell lovers of Greek Mythology who hate to see this mixed up people with general common sense they say that they need to shut up and worship Allie like they doTo that I say thisFUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK YYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUU PPPPPPEEEEEEEOOOOOOOPPPPPPLLEEEEEEEEEAAAAHHHHUAISUFNIOSNAOSIPGGuess what? Guess what? I added this section just because of you you blithering bleeding dolts So here I will say itHADES IS NOT HELL HADES IS GREEK MYTHOLOGY FOR THE AFTERLIFE NOT HELL NOT EVIL NOT PAINFUL JUST THE WHOLE AFTERLIFE HELL IS CHRISTIAN MYTHOLOGY FOR AN ACTUAL PLACE OF ETERNAL SUFFERING BAD PAINFUL ALL THAT CRAP YOU CAN NOT MIX THEM UP OR SUBSTITUTE ONE FOR THE OTHER BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT THE SAME THING THEY DO NOT MEAN THE SAME THING AND THEY WILL NEVER EVER EVER EVER MEAN THE SAME THINGAND FUCK ANYONE ELSE THAT THINKS OTHERWISE DO A WIKIPEDIA SEARCH YOU JACKASSESWow That got really aggressive at the end there actually Well this whole review has actually been really aggressive GOT A PROBLEM WITH IT?Sure Allie has the right to write whatever she wants AND I HAVE THE RIGHT TO FUCKING RIDICULE AND BELITTLE HER FOR IT BAHAHAHAHAHA That is the end of my reviewAND NOW FOR A RANDOM TOKKA GIF Because I can and I feel like it HAHWARNING TROLL MY REVIEW AND I AM FULLY PREPARED TO AND WILL TROLL YOU THE FUCK BACK SO BE FOREWARNED ASSHOLES OF THE INTERNET YOU HAZ BEEN WARNEDNote Everyone that reads this review should rate Hades 1 star don't care if you have read the book or not the rating on this pile of shit and vomit is too fucking high and we as human beings need to do something about thisIf you want to you can even read the book to write a bad review of it which I encourage this needs as many bad reviews as it can get seriously But do not buy the book Jesus Fucking Christ do not buy the book please Pirate this thing Do not waste your money Do not waste your hard earned dollars on this creature please for the life of me DO NOTYes I am bitter and angry about Hades and I will continue to be bitter and angry about Hades FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE AMEN Oh come on girls it is a book about romance and that is why we buy them If you want to good read non fiction is the way to go Stop complaining about how the writer did this or didn't do that You brought these books because it is a girl meets boy with a bit of action with it end of story Goes around whistlingWaitWhat?HADES?????Do you know what Hades is?Let me wikipedia youHades English pronunciation ˈheɪdiːz; from Greek ᾍδης older form Ἀϝίδης Hadēs originally Ἅιδης Haidēs or Άΐδης Aidēs Doric Ἀΐδας Aidas meaning the unseen1 refers both to the ancient Greek underworld the abode of Hades and to the god of the underworldSoWhat does it have to do with Christianity?The previous book was an insult to believers all over the world for sure because we read about sissy lame angels that had no pointBut nowHades?Really?Dear Authorwhat were you thinking?EDITSo I said Christian believers could be horrified by this whole mess But I was not being church orientated or anything My point was something else so I will re phrase The book is an insult to people that like angels Because her angels are these spineless creatures that i want to pluck like mindless chickens that they are So I wonder if I've ever told you people how much I love making lists Yep I spend hours on my things to do and other random lists Here's one I'm sharing with you Things I'd probably do while trying to read HADES Leaf through the pagesEndure Shake head in disbelief Raise my blood pressure Grind my molars to dust Be stupefied beyond belief Kill my brain cells Go to sleep Watch tv Read another book Laugh hysterically Scream in my pillow Have a good timeEnjoy readingNow that almost all of these have been checked off the list except the last two that somehow evade me EVERY TIME I TRY I decided I couldn't wait forever to write a review on here BEHOLD The RESULTS OF MY MANY ATTEMPTS TO READ HADES IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDERAttempt # 1 “Are you coming over for dinner tonight?” I asked Xavier linking my arm through his “Gabriel wants to try making burritos”major eye roll Get your own gourmet show already Gabriel Or get a life whatever comes first Growing a pair might help tooAttempt # 2 “I’m just thinking” he said “How come in all the paintings angels are depicted guarding thrones in Heaven or taking out demons? I wonder why they’re never shown in the kitchen making burritos”“Because we have a reputation to uphold” I said nudging him “So are you coming?”Hmmm I wonder what reputation she's talking about? Oh I know the dumb ass good for nothing angel trio reputation Lets see how the story goes Once upon a time 3 great angels descended from the heavens each bringing a gift to mankind No no no That is all wrong There were these three angels the elder one liked cooking the middle one liked partying the little one made everyone's life miserable Oh wait I think I got my 80 year old neighbors confused with these characters Attempt # 3 He was just as breathtakingly beautiful as ever His tie hung loose and his blazer was slung casually over one shoulderblinks tries to recall what Xavier looked likean image of a faceless teenager with mouse colored hair pops in mind shakes head sadly This girl needs to get some if she thinks a tie hanging loose and blazer slung casually on one shoulder makes for breathtakingly beautiful Attempt # 4 “Gabriel wants to try making burritos”Hmmm ¬¬I'm hungry I should go get some burritos too cheerfully walk to the kitchenAttempt # 5 Since the violent encounter with Jake last year Xavier had hit the gym even harder and thrown himself into sports vigorouslystupefied beyond beliefa little pauselaughs hysterically I'm sure the occupants of Hell are waiting in agony for Xavier's Ultimate Fitness Show LIVE Attempt # 6 His face was open and friendly I was pleased to see that Gabriel was relaxed these daysgasp Is he? I tell you it's those ballet classes and sewing he's taken up Isn't he divine swoonsAttempt # 7 I kept one of Xavier’s T shirts dowsed in his cologne under my pillow so that every night I could imagine he was with mePUKES WHAT? She is tricked in riding a motorcycle? How? I am sorry but it ticks me off how stupid and childish she made what's her face I understand she is a angel just born but seriously? Can you at least make her a little bad ass? I like bad ass heriones Not the little crying whinny girls I understand that there are moments where that it is called for but through out the whole series of books? What the hell are you thinking Andornetto? Why don't you grow up a bit before publishing what you think teenage girls and boys are today We are not idiots or sheltered from the outside world? Be realistic? UGH And I hate myself that I am going to go out of my way to read this becuase of my fatal flaw of curiosity and how I cannot stop reading a series after the first book Curiosity killed the cat you know? I swear that if this books SUCKS which god I know it will I will personally call the Andornetto chick up and scream her freakin ear off Then e mail her until she finally realizes the mistakes she made in this series? And Hades? Really? I thought this was about angels? Oh wait No its not its about religion Christanity to be exact She is sooo stupid She has officially ruined my obession with angels Thanks a lot Obession ruiner I I ah I can't even What am I supposed to say here? This is just one of these books you knew going into it that you were never going to like it and yet after you finish it you remain with a sour taste in your mouth Of course that begs the uestion as to why I bothered reading it in the first place in fact I expect that uestion soon and I will adress it later on Let me tell you pure masochism has little to do with itOn the positive side Hades is better than its predecesor as far as plot and pacing are concerned There is a clearly defined antagonist clearly defined stakes that get bigger as the book progresses not to mention there is an inciting incident early on into the story In other words something happensBut while the book is better plot and pacing wise the writing still suffers from the problems in Halo adjectives and adverbs litter the text whenever a description or a simile didn't cut the trick along with a case of telling not showing that I suspect can be classified in a genre of its own Xavier never liked Maddison much She drank and smoked too much and always gave her opinion when it wasn't wanted HadesAlright point out the problems in these sentences One by one please and take turns children everyone will have a sayYes Bethany is telling us why Xavier doesn't like Maddison and yes a lot of us might slightly be offended but it's not just the character telling us what another character is It's the author telling the readers what they should think Xavier is perfect so obviously his opinion is paramount so if he dislikes Maddison for drinking and smoking and being outspoken then the reader MUST dislike her as well Of course Adornetto doesn't stop there and does her very best to make Maddison seem as asinine as possible to cement that opinionThat's a huge strike against Hades if only because many of us have been a little like Maddison as teenagers Outspoken I mean although I have had my share of alcoholic experiments at seventeen But it's not just that stories stimulate us on many levels igniting our imaginations and making us live within them Mindless or high brow a story makes a reader THINK and draw their own conclusions and opinions about it and about its characters What I mean to say is authors shouldn't insult our intelligence by telling us what to think Or at least they can make it so that the MC's initial impression of that character was flawed and that they had some depthSpeaking of depth I would like to express my disappointment with the women in this book Yes Bethany is probably the easiest target but what about Asia and all the jealous bitches she epitomizes? What about Hanna whose traits are subservant tortured and repentant? What about Molly? Her character in particular frustrates me to no end She had so much potential She was actually faced with a real crisis and she could have grown past her image of a sex crazed adolescent Instead she remains as short sighted and silly as ever a fact which is hammered into the reader's head again Scount Mints? and again reapplying lip gloss while a serious conversation is happening and again whenever Gabriel is around Maybe I could have bought it in Halo where she was just a girl and the stakes weren't so high but not when view spoiler she knows that Gabriel Beth and Ivy are angels I mean that's your best friend's life hanging on the line get serious girl hide spoiler Wishing people would stop rating books before they become availableAlso mildly interested in reading about the potential train wreck how do you get tricked into a motorcycle ride? Roofies? Okay what in the world is this cover about?Is that Bethany on a motorcycle? The absurdity it burnsOh well It's a good think she's not an angel or that would have been really stupid Phew Dear WorldPlease do not uestion my sanity I promise I have not lost it I am reading this for the freaking lulz AND THAT'S ITSincerely MeWhile I'm writing my review you may entertain yourselves by reading my 46 status updates below Thank you come againAlso notice the addition of three stars That means my review is coming REAL SOON I promise Review 15 stars First impressions are deceivingI have fourteen years’ worth of anecdotal proof that this theory is true but the one example I want to give you is Alexandra Adornetto’s first book HALO which I’m sure everyone and their mom has read or at least seenBack when I was an innocent little thirteen year old I was wandering the bottom floor of my Barnes Noble looking at the new releases and such molesting the Nooks blahblah Bored of my futile search I’d never been much of an adult reader and the bottom floor was where all the mainstream adult books were kept at the time I headed over toward the escalator that took you to the top floor with the children’s section; the adult PNR section; the board games section; and the teenYA section YA had proved to be a friendly companion in my recent years of extremely freuent reading and I was itching to get to the top and find some to readWhen I reached the top of the escalator I saw a six shelf display of HALO and I nearly jizzed my pants It was beautiful I almost couldn’t tolerate not owning it When I was an adult and I was rich and famous and I branched out into the publishing world I had to get that cover designer on board with me to design my book I wouldn’t live if I didn’tI stood there for a good minute or so just marveling at the beautiful wonder that was the cover of HALO before I finally couldn’t stand it any longer and I had to touch it When I picked it up I could almost hear the angels singing “Alleluia” in my ears no pun intended folks I knew I had to buy itAnd I did I bought the hell out of itI wish I could tell you right now that the contents of that book were as beautiful as the cover was I wish I could tell you I gave it a no brainer five stars and recommended it to every single person on the face of the earth YA fan or not I wish I could tell you I honed my sculpting skills and made a statue of Adornetto which I proudly displayed as a centerpiece in my living room Alas I cannot tell you any one of those things because not one of them is true In fact they’re pretty much the farthest things from trueHALO had so many problems it was waaaaaay too long; the main character was so blatantly dumb she was deserving of being high fived in the face with a frying pan not to mention she was Mary Sue perfect; the prose was purple than my face was while I was reading it; the plot was progressing at the speed of something really slow That’s only some of its seemingly perpetual list of problems I found Regardless I found some moments in the book to be cute andor funny andor worthwhile so I gave it two stars on Goodreads It’s actually deserving of one and a half but who really cares about the semantics?The gorgeous and wondrous cover of HALO is reason number one I can prove that theory that first impressions are deceivingThe second one is my first impression of HALO carrying over to its much shorter and frankly much better seuel HADES HALO was my first impression of Adornetto’s lack of talent and honestly I would rather gouge my eyes out with a spoon than have to re read it HADES is a major step up from HALO because while sometimes the plot is shrouded in the shadows of overtly dumb characters at least it’s existent The concept of Hell that Adornetto creates is to say the least an epic fail image error

Paperback  ✓ Hades PDF ¼
  • Paperback
  • 333 pages
  • Hades
  • Alexandra Adornetto
  • Portuguese
  • 26 February 2015
  • 9788522012596